Dancing with the Dark Passenger: A Guide to Moving Through Depression
She's back again - my dark passenger. As a health professional, I know exactly what I should be doing: exercise, eat well, get morning sunlight, maintain social connections. But anyone who's dealt with depression knows it's not that simple. There's this infuriating disconnect between knowing and doing, what I've come to call 'the infuriating laziness' - though laziness isn't really the right word at all. It's more like trying to run through chest-deep water while wearing a heavy backpack.
After decades of this dance, I've learned something crucial: the key isn't in fighting harder when depression hits. It's in building habits during the good times that become so ingrained they can carry you through the dark.
Understanding the Dark Passenger
My best friend and I often talk about depression as the 'dark passenger.' She's that unwelcome visitor who sometimes climbs into your car and stays for a while. You can't force her out - believe me, I've tried. But what you can do is keep her in the passenger seat. You can acknowledge her presence with compassion while firmly maintaining your position behind the wheel. The trick is remembering that although she's a persistent traveler, she's not a permanent one. Eventually, she will leave - hopefully locked securely in the trunk where she belongs.
Building Your Foundation During the Light
The trick isn't in trying to outrun the darkness when it comes - it's in building such strong habits during the light that they can carry you through. Here's what this looks like for me:
Daily movement (some days this means an hour of strength training, other days it's a five-minute stretch)
Morning sunlight exposure (even on cloudy days)
Journaling
Regular therapy
Connection with understanding friends
Setting up systems that make the essentials easier
Of all these tools, strength training has become one of my most powerful anchors through my depression. There's something uniquely grounding about moving heavy weights - it demands your full presence, challenges what you believe you can do, and provides tangible evidence of your strength even when your mind is trying to convince you otherwise. I'm incredibly grateful that I discovered this transformative practice years ago and have built such a consistent routine around it.
The research backs up what I've experienced personally - a major study looking at thousands of people found that consistent strength training significantly helps reduce depressive symptoms. What I love most about these findings is that you don't need an intense gym routine to benefit. Even moderate sessions of 30-45 minutes, three times a week, can make a real difference. The key isn't in how much you lift or even how long you work out - it's in the simple act of showing up for yourself consistently.
On my darkest days, when my dark passenger is being particularly loud, there's something almost defiant about picking up those weights. Each rep feels like a small act of rebellion against depression's whispers that I can't, that I shouldn't, that it's too hard. Sometimes those weights feel impossibly heavy, but moving them anyway reminds me that I'm stronger than I think - both physically and mentally.
When She's Riding Shotgun
When depression is riding shotgun, everything feels harder. The habits that usually flow naturally become a struggle. This is where the foundation you built becomes crucial. You don't need to do everything - you just need to do one small thing. Maybe today that's:
Opening the curtains
Taking a shower
Stepping outside for 2 minutes
Putting on your favorite song
Drinking a glass of water
Sending one text to a friend
Moving your body for five minutes
The goal isn't perfection - it's maintaining just enough connection to yourself to keep depression from taking the wheel.
The Creative Lifeline
Sometimes when the darkness feels heaviest, the most powerful medicine isn't in doing what we 'should' do - it's in letting ourselves play. There's profound healing in turning on music and letting your body move without judgment, picking up colored pencils and doodling without purpose, or singing along to songs that speak to your soul.
This isn't just feel-good advice - it's backed by science. Research shows that music can help regulate our vagal tone - the state of our vagus nerve, which plays a crucial role in our emotional regulation. But beyond the science, there's something powerful about having a playlist of songs that simply make you happy. I've learned to curate these playlists during my good times, collecting songs that make me want to move, that remind me of joyful moments, that lift my spirit. Then, during the darker periods, when choosing what to listen to feels overwhelming, I can just press play and let the familiar beats help carry me through.
And here's a fun fact that always makes me smile: Disney songs have been shown to be particularly effective at boosting mood and emotional wellbeing. As a 90s kid who grew up in the golden age of Disney musicals, these have become an unexpected but powerful tool in my mental health arsenal.
The Power of Conscious Rest
Another one of my most reliable tools during depression isn't about doing - it's about conscious resting. Yoga Nidra, often called 'yogic sleep,' has become my sanctuary when even traditional meditation feels too demanding. This guided practice allows you to rest in a state between wakefulness and sleep, activating your parasympathetic nervous system while requiring almost no effort on your part. I've found a treasure trove of Yoga Nidra meditations of varying lengths by Ally Boothroyd on YouTube - her gentle guidance has become a reliable companion during both good times and dark.
Another game-changing tool is what neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Huberman calls the 'psychological sigh.' Here's exactly how to do it:
Take a deep inhale through your nose, completely filling your lungs
Take one more small sip of air in
Release it all with a long, slow exhale through your mouth (as if you're blowing through a straw) until all the air is gone
Repeat 1-3 times
What makes this breathing pattern so powerful is its simplicity and immediate effect. Our bodies naturally do this when we're upset. By consciously engaging in this pattern, we're tapping into our body's built-in calming mechanism.
The Power of Nurturing Touch
As a massage therapist, I've witnessed countless times how therapeutic touch can serve as a lifeline during difficult mental health periods. When depression has us feeling disconnected from our bodies, massage can help us find our way back home to ourselves. It's not just about relaxation - massage helps regulate our nervous system, reduce cortisol levels, and increase feel-good hormones like oxytocin and serotonin.
During depressive episodes, even making an appointment for a massage can feel overwhelming. But this is exactly when our bodies most need this kind of support. Consider it an act of self-compassion - allowing someone else to help carry some of the weight for an hour.
The Power of Small Actions
There's something almost magical about doing just one small thing. It might not lift the depression, but it reminds you that you're still in the driver's seat, even if your dark passenger is being particularly vocal that day. One small action often leads naturally to another, not because you're forcing it, but because movement creates momentum; a body in motion stays in motion.
A Note About Professional Support
While I've shared my personal toolkit for managing depression - from strength training to creative expression to massage - it's important to acknowledge that these are tools that complement, not replace, professional mental health care and medical support. As someone who has benefited immensely from regular therapy, I believe in the power of having professional support, especially during our darker periods.
Depression is complex and deeply personal - what works best varies from person to person. For many people, medication is a vital and valuable part of their mental health toolkit, helping to create the foundation that makes other wellness practices possible. Just as we wouldn't judge someone for taking medication for diabetes or high blood pressure, there should be no stigma around mental health medication. These are personal medical decisions best made in consultation with healthcare providers who know your individual situation.
Think of it this way: just as I have a whole team supporting my physical health (doctors, massage therapists, trainers), having comprehensive support for our mental health is equally valuable. Each tool in our toolkit - whether it's lifting weights, practicing Yoga Nidra, getting a massage, talking with a therapist, taking prescribed medication, or any combination of these - plays its own unique and important role. While practices like exercise and massage can support overall wellbeing, depression requires professional mental health care from qualified providers.
And remember: one day you'll wake up and realize she's gone. Maybe not forever - she tends to find her way back eventually - but for now, she's locked safely in the trunk where she belongs. And you'll be stronger for having navigated another visit, armed with more knowledge and resilience about what helps you stay in the driver's seat.
If you're struggling with depression, please reach out to a mental health professional. They have the training and expertise to provide appropriate care and treatment. I'm sharing my personal journey not as a replacement for professional help, but in hopes that my experience might resonate with others walking a similar path.
A Final Note
One of the unexpected gifts of my work has been the opportunity to create space for authenticity and vulnerability. Every day, I am honored to witness the strength and resilience of the wonderful women who trust me to support their wellness journeys. Whether we're dealing with physical pain, emotional challenges, or simply navigating life's transitions, there is profound beauty in how we show up for ourselves and each other.
Even in the shadows, we can create spaces of understanding and empowerment. Together, we remind each other that it's okay to not be okay, to seek help, to take up space, and to prioritize our wellbeing. This shared journey of healing, in all its forms, is what makes our community so special.